Out of love - 67!

Wanting is a pleasant feeling, craving unfortunately isn't.
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The nib of my pen still bleeds, but now you are not the reason behind it. I've either healed or moved on! :)
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A combination of flaws and confusions is often called life!
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Everything May not stay, but somethings will. Always.
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Live the moment, you'll automatically make memories worth cherishing!
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Drop by drop,
bit by bit
it healed.

The then wounds
Are now scars
And I call them
Tattoos now.

It's beautiful!
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You're not the culprit, my mind is!
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Some create it while the rest struggle believing it. Magic!
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If you can't embrace nothing, then what can you?
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Nothingness and emptiness are two very different feelings. The former is almost equivalent to meditation whereas the latter might prove to be the heaviest burden, ever!

The head: the culprit!

The unrest
And
The constant thumping
In my chest
Force me to believe
What I don't wish to.

That feeling which
Makes it evident
That it's not okay
Is exactly what I don't want.

But,
Now that the chest
Has made it inevitable
Will you STOP
Before it's too late?

All the nights spent
Overthinking and overworking
Are on the verge of retirement
But, your thoughts
Still refuse to quit the place
They are embossed.

I don't blame you,
For the culprit is
My mind.

The mind
Which doesn't want
To feel divine and free
For it's the captivity
Which gives it new
Reasons to fight and strive.

The Sinner. The culprit. The head.

River not ocean!

I'm not doing anything new
I don't wish to do something new
I just want to flow
Like a river
Effortlessly,
In the direction unknown
On a path unseen.

I just want to be
See
What it is to be
And feel
While doing nothing
Feeling everything.

Is it too much
That I demand?
Is it unreal and weird
To crave to be what
It takes to be
What zero yet infinity?

I feel like a restless ocean
Fierce and angry
Unnecessarily,
Eating away all the
Filth and dirt
Without any reason.

I want to be a peaceful
Stream,
Making way
While washing mountains
And
Showering flowers.

At ease and peace.

Out of love - 66

Never been scared of falling down, but the mere thought of falling apart gives me shivers of a lifetime!
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Distance never separates, the lack of trust does!
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I'm neither your friend nor your lover, but does that nullify my relevance in your life?
--------
The irony is, you and I know what we should; but we will neither accept it nor acknowledge it.
----------
There's nothing more lethal than silent stagnation!
-----------
You were my answer to all the questions but now you're the reason why I question myself!
--------------
Your name might taste bitter now, but rest assured it'll never be stale!
--------
You're so busy ignoring me that I've started believing that you're actually busy!
---------
You're the kind of pain that makes me an artist and a drug that heals every bit of my wounds.
----------
Maybe, we deserve the best; but not each other, certainly.

 

So much for irony!

Don't fall in love
With something you love
For there are chances
Of falling out of love.

Live, bleed and weep
With what you love.
Loving is sinful
Lovers fortunately
Aren't.

Just like you and I
Are not sinners
But the thing that
Keeps us together
A blissful sin.

Bliss. Sin. Love
All in a breath
Taking it away
Yet giving it a
Reason to sustain.

So much for irony.
Yet giving me
Strength, power and resistance
Like iron.

It's funny
Messy
Yet,
Lovely.

Out of love - 65!

I can be in any corner of the world. But, once you call me, I will come. Yes, especially. Not because I can, but because I want to!
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Art does not happen. It just flows, effortlessly.
-----------
Don't try to simplify things, that's exactly how you end up complicating them!
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I haven't won many battles, but I certainly have fought many of them. No, that doesn't make me a loser, it proves that I'm a consistent warrior.
---------------
I don't fear failing but I can't afford losing, losing you!
---------
My craving for you is eternal, your longing for me is seasonal. And that's exactly why it's painful for me and smooth for you.
--------
I hate to love you so often, that my fear of losing you is almost unimaginable.
----------
Missing you drains something beyond my energy.
------------
How I wish you said " I believe you" much before you thought, "I love you"!
---------
I'm not lost. I've probably shredded myself by giving all of me to everyone except myself! 

I'll hold you!

You know,
In case, you don't
So just know
That I'll be there.

Umm... unfortunately
Not forever,
But, rest assured
For an always.

I'll be right next
To you
On the days when
You are falling down.

Yes, I'll hold you
Hold you, firm enough
To not let you
Fall apart.

I don't deserve this!

I don't deserve this
Not even an ounce of it.
All your ignorance
Arrogance,
Reluctance
Negligence
Including those
Goddamn blue ticks
On WhatsApp.
I just don't deserve
All of this.

But,
I take it all
Every bit of all
That you can imagine,
It slaughters
My soul
My emotions
My heart
My self esteem
And what not.
Yet,
I take it all
Literally everyday.

All those
Unwept tears
Hollow feeling
Unslept nights
The futile introspection
The feeling of being
Insufficient for you
All that kills me,
Kills me every minute.

Still, I swallow all of that
You know why?
Because,
I love you,
More than you think
Much more than you know.
I've given almost
All of me to you
Only to know
In return
That I wasn't enough for you.

But,
Rest assured,
I still will love you
Because,
I don't have
An option of
Unloving you.
You've already
Become almost everything
And now all the pain
That you have given
And are still giving
Is a part of me
And maybe my
Life too.

I won't move on
Because,
I don't want to
I want to know
Where I went wrong
What didn't I do
To keep you,
Despite you promising
Me a forever.

All my questions
Deserve answers
Each and every
One of them longs for it
And I shall
Take all your replies
Before we call it
An END.

Speaking vs talking!

We don't have those
Deep conversations anymore,
The kind of conversations
You and I, used to have.

The ones which had
An essence of our dreams
And the fragrance of our struggle
It seems as if we've given up
On each other.

We've been speaking
With each other, everyday
But, it's been a while
We had the kind of conversation
In which we'd talk.

The one's with which
We knew we could
Heal each other
Just like that.

Maybe both of us
Are broken now
Too broken to
Confront ourselves
In infront of each other

Or its just
Me doing
Some disastrous
Overthinking,
As usual.